Sunday, November 15, 2009

A Weekend of Family and Very Close Friends.

Well, my weekend began just like most others. I got out of class at 3, and hopped in the shower to get ready for the big hometown high school football game. I packed all my personals and clothes, and was about to walk out of my room when i got a phone call from my dad. He said that he had just rushed my mom to the hospital because she was having trouble breathing. I was mortified! Nothing this extreme has ever happened to her before.
A little background: My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when i was a junior in high school, and has continued to struggle with this horrible disease ever since. The cancer has spread all over her body, the most recent being in her brain. Apparently she has some in her lungs as well, which was making her breathing a sudden struggle.
My dad said that she was as good as she could be, and to go to the game to be there for my brother (he is the mascot), and then I could come up to the hospital afterwards. I agreed, and headed on my way. When i arrived in Gwood, I went to a really good friends house to eat dinner with her and her family. I haven't seen her in soo long, so this was really refreshing. After dinner, we headed to the game were the bulldogs dominated yet again. Proceeding the game, the 2 of us plus KT made our way up to the hospital to see my mom. It was really sad to see her in the state that she was in. She was hooked up to an IV and Oxygen. They had to give her a blood transfusion that lasted 5 hours. We stayed till 11:30, and then headed back home.
The next day I woke up to my new phone going off as my dad was calling me to tell me to get up. I got up and began washing all my dirty laundry from school. Around 2 my task was finally complete and I made my way back up to the hospital. She was doing a little better when I arrived, and greeted me with a smile. She had many many visitors throughout the day, some of which being her family. Some of my really good friends came to see her also. My mom loved seeing them. (BR, KT, AS, DF, SH, AS) I love them all so much for caring.
That night my best friend Blake asked me to stay with him, so I left the hospital around 9 and headed to his house. Blake, still wearing his cotillion clothes, opened the door and greeted me with a hug. We had some awesome talks, just like we use to. We were able to fill each other in on our lives, and the things we are struggling with. Chilaxin with him was a great way to escape from the storms tearing up my life at the moment. He has always been there for me, and I am confident he always will be. We woke up this morning and went to church, which is always refreshing. I got to sit right next to another one of my very good friends. (HC)
After church I headed back up to the hospital to spend a little more time with my mom before I left for school. I stayed for a few hours, and then was on my way back to the life that I now live an hour and thirty minutes away. And so here I sit in my dorm room venting to the world about my hectic, yet worthwhile weekend.
I would not change my family or friends for anyone in this entire world. They mean so much to me.
Even though Satan tries to destroy my life with the sickness of my mom, I know that God will prevail. I don't fully understand why this is happening to her or my family, but I know that God has a reason for everything. He sees the big picture that our small human minds cannot even begin to comprehend.
"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident." Psalm 27: 1, 3

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

It Really is a "Crazy Love"

Tonight at church, the lesson was over lukewarm Christians, and I realized just how much I reject the Heavenly Father. I've always understood that God loves us so much that He sent His son to die on the cross for our sins, so why am I incapable of showing Him that kind of love back?
In Luke 8:4-8 it says, "While a large crowd was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on , and the birds of the air ate it up. Some fell on the rock, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown."" Everytime I read this, I automatically think that I am the "good soil" it is talking about. I realized tonight that I might just be the "thorny soil". To many times money, sins, activities, addictions, comitments, or just me being self-centered gets in the way of God. My relationship cannot grow if these "thorns" are choking it. God has definelty changed the way I live, but that doesn't mean I still don't struggle with sin. I know that sin is wrong, but sometimes I catch myself living in it and not doing anything about it. I have to realize that inapropriate talk, music, and gestures are sin, even though they are so commonly accepted in today's world. I strive to be completley in love with Jesus, but because of my human imperfections I fail often. Thank God for good Christian friends! They tend to keep me inline, even though sometimes I really don't want to hear what they have to say.
How can I stive to change the world one day at a time if I can't even put every part of me in God, the creater of this world. Who am I to be called a "leader", a "good Christian example"? I'm honored to be labled these names, but sometimes I feel as if it's really not me.
Blake is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. He was in the accountability group that I led back home. Even though he is 4 years younger than me, God allowed us become best friends. He is someone who makes me feel like I deserve those labels that I previously mentioned. When I graduated, he gave me a poem typed on a piece of paper and told me to never lose it, and to never forget it. I hold on to that peom to this day and read it often. It has become a motto that I live by, and helps me to not stray onto the wide, lukewarm path. I thought i would share this poem with you.

The Little Chap Who Follows Me
A careful man I want to be,
A little fellow follows me.
I do not dare to go astray,
For fear he'll go the self-same way.
I cannot once escape his eyes,
Whatever he sees me do he tries.
Like me he says he's going to be,
That little chap who follows me.
I must remember as I go,
Though the summer suns and the winter snows,
I am building for the years to be,
That little chap who follows me.

Shut Off From the World

This morning came abruptly when my suite mate came and woke me up to get ready for my least favorite class (Spanish). Since my phone is broke, I am not only shut off from the entire world, but i cant even set my alarm! After irritably trying to stay awake in Spanish, I had to make my way to the lovely world of Bio and take a test. This test seemed easier than the others, which made me worry. I feel as though i aced it! Choir was the typical Choir class. Weird people making noises, the old lady thinking she is funny, and us singing never before heard of Christmas music. I mean, what is wrong with the classic O Holy Night, Silent Night, and Away in a Manger? However, choir does bring back good memories of high school with some really awesome people. I just remember being able to get away with anything in that class. College choir is definitely not the same! The SGA meeting at noon was as exciting as usual. Jabber Jaws wouldn't stop flappin his mouth, and the newbie tried to take control as usual. I was the normal me, and set there with my best friend laughing at everything and trying to scarf down greasy pizza as I acted half way interested in what was going on. US History I blew by quickly and i was off to PR Principle were i learned that I had made a 92 on my news release, which was definitely an improvement from the last one. I hope to someday use this PR knowledge in a career someday. When classes were finally over, I made my way to Age to Age to mentor young Elmer. If i could, I would seriously adopt that kid. I don't think I have ever loved a kid so much. He is always a challenge as he runs back and forth, and screams no at me, but at the end of the day he is the cutest kid alive! After dropping Elmer off at his house, I made my way to church where I lead 10th grade boys. Sometimes they make me hate life. I'm suppose to be there as an example and leader, but I end up being their friend more than anything. This means they rarely listen to me. I feel as though it is my fault when they have downfalls, or when I hear them cuss, or when I overhear them talking about what they did over the weekend. These things make me feel as though I have failed as there leader.
My mom gave me a poem when I graduated that was simply and encouragement to take off to college with me. Here is a quote from that poem..."Fly on the wings of you talents and your mightiest dreams. Strive to change the world one day at a time." Why is this so hard to do? I try my hardest to make a lasting impact wherever I go, but sometimes my personal pride gets in the way of this.
God is amazing in all that He does! He has allowed a sinner like me to lead younger people, and has given me a joy for life I can't explain. He is so mysterious, but I love the mystery in Him. So as the days fly by, I will strive to be like Him and "change the world one day at a time."