It Really is a "Crazy Love"

Tonight at church, the lesson was over lukewarm Christians, and I realized just how much I reject the Heavenly Father. I've always understood that God loves us so much that He sent His son to die on the cross for our sins, so why am I incapable of showing Him that kind of love back?
In Luke 8:4-8 it says, "While a large crowd was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on , and the birds of the air ate it up. Some fell on the rock, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown."" Everytime I read this, I automatically think that I am the "good soil" it is talking about. I realized tonight that I might just be the "thorny soil". To many times money, sins, activities, addictions, comitments, or just me being self-centered gets in the way of God. My relationship cannot grow if these "thorns" are choking it. God has definelty changed the way I live, but that doesn't mean I still don't struggle with sin. I know that sin is wrong, but sometimes I catch myself living in it and not doing anything about it. I have to realize that inapropriate talk, music, and gestures are sin, even though they are so commonly accepted in today's world. I strive to be completley in love with Jesus, but because of my human imperfections I fail often. Thank God for good Christian friends! They tend to keep me inline, even though sometimes I really don't want to hear what they have to say.
How can I stive to change the world one day at a time if I can't even put every part of me in God, the creater of this world. Who am I to be called a "leader", a "good Christian example"? I'm honored to be labled these names, but sometimes I feel as if it's really not me.
Blake is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. He was in the accountability group that I led back home. Even though he is 4 years younger than me, God allowed us become best friends. He is someone who makes me feel like I deserve those labels that I previously mentioned. When I graduated, he gave me a poem typed on a piece of paper and told me to never lose it, and to never forget it. I hold on to that peom to this day and read it often. It has become a motto that I live by, and helps me to not stray onto the wide, lukewarm path. I thought i would share this poem with you.

The Little Chap Who Follows Me

A careful man I want to be,

A little fellow follows me.

I do not dare to go astray,

For fear he'll go the self-same way.

I cannot once escape his eyes,

Whatever he sees me do he tries.

Like me he says he's going to be,

That little chap who follows me.

I must remember as I go,

Though the summer suns and the winter snows,

I am building for the years to be,

That little chap who follows me.